Nikki (nakeisha) wrote,

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Alphabet Meme. Holmes/Watson (Sherlock Holmes)

TITLE: Time To Reflect
AUTHOR: Nikki Harrington
FANDOM: Sherlock Holmes
PAIRING: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
GENRE: Pre-Slash
SUMMARY: Set after The Final Problem. Watson reflects on his relationship with Holmes and missed opportunities.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for birggitt: R - 'Reflection'
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.

When I think back over the years I have known Sherlock Holmes, how our lives have been so deeply and intimately entwined, there is only one thing I regret.

Maybe I should not write it, but after the loss of my dearest friend, I find the need to write his name, least there comes a day when I should not be able to recall it. Not that I can ever imagine that day will come, could come, but it gives me some element of comfort in my sorrow to write his name.

The one regret is that I never told him of my true feelings for him. That I never told him my love for him was more than that of just a friend and colleague; that I dared to love him as one man should not love another.

As I sit in the rooms we once shared I believe I can still smell his tobacco, can still hear his voice, can still feel the strains of the violin he played so well. Can still see him look at me and smile or cast me his exasperated look when I failed to pick up on something that to him was as obvious as an ink stain on an otherwise pristine page.

Had I known, when we left our hotel on the spring day, that it would be our last time together, I believe I would have dared to speak of my love for him. Even though I am married, I would have told him and faced whatever his reaction may have been.

I do not dare to hope that my feelings would have been returned and yet, and yet he loved me, as far as a man like Sherlock Holmes is able to love; of that I am certain. And he let me walk away from him, let me be lured back to the hotel by a message he believed to be fake in order to, I believe, keep me from harm.

Again my eyes fall on the final words he wrote; the final words he wrote to me. In his last moments, it was I who was on his mind. He took the trouble to write to me. Maybe, over the next few days and weeks and month, as spring turns into summer and summer into autumn and autumn into winter before winter once again becomes spring, maybe I can find some small comfort in the fact that I was the last person of whom he thought when he faced Moriarty at the falls of Reichenbach. And maybe one day, when I reflect back on my life with Holmes, I will cease to regret not having had the courage to speak out.

But for now I shall sit in the semi-darkened room, trying to ignore the odour of burnt wood and cloth, trying not to look at the signs of fire damage, trying not to hear the sounds of bird song, and mourn for my friend and lost opportunities.

TITLE: Believing In Miracles
AUTHOR: Nikki Harrington
FANDOM: Sherlock Holmes
PAIRING: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
GENRE: Pre-Slash
SUB-GENRE: Angst. Friendship
SUMMARY: A sequel to Time To Reflect. Watson is not sure he has ever believed in miracles until now. And as such he makes a momentous decision.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for sharpiesgal: L - 'Laughter'
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.

I am not certain I have ever believed in miracles. At least I hadn't until the spring of 1874 when, three years to the very season after my dearest friend Sherlock Holmes had plummeted to his death, taking with him his arch rival, he was returned to me.

On that day, at that moment, I knew miracles did happen. I knew miracles were possible. They may be rare, but they happened. The return of the man I had missed so keenly for those three years, made me believe that miracles did happen. And if one miracle could happen, why could not another?

Now as we again sit in our old rooms where I once again am able to smile and laugh, where I once again hear my own dear Holmes's own unique laugh, one that does not come often, but when it does it warms me, it touches me, I make a decision.

As we sit on opposite sides of the fire (it is a cool spring) with the scent of the tobacco and smoke from the pipes we are both enjoying, silently drifting around us, I make a decision.

As the day slips into night and the room grows darker and the gas lights flicker and the fire casts shadows, as it becomes time to draw the curtains, I make a decision.

Now that my dear Mary is no longer with us, now that my dear Holmes has been miraculously returned to me, I know what I must do.

I cannot, I must not, I will not live with regrets any longer. I will tell my dear friend of my true feelings for him. Maybe it will be the wrong thing to do; maybe the result will not be the one for which I hope, but I cannot and will not live with the secret any longer.

And there is something about my Holmes, since his return to me, which seems subtly different. There is something in his eyes when he looks at me; something in his tone when he calls me 'my dear Watson'; something in the way his fingers brush my shoulder; something in his voice, which is different. It is something so subtle, few would notice it. But I have.

And it gives me hope. It allows me to believe that maybe, just maybe, my words will not be unwelcome. Yet, even if that is the case, quite what the result of my speaking will be, I know not. I do not know if we will move our relationship beyond that of friends. I am not even completely certain I wish to do so, for I do not want things to change between us.

Nonetheless, I am going to speak. I am going to tell Holmes that I love him beyond the love he already knows I have for him. I am going to do so, because his return to me has made me believe in miracles, and maybe I will tonight experience a second miracle.

Tags: fandom: sherlock holmes, fanfic: stories, pairing (slash): holmes/watson

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