AUTHOR: Ashleigh Anpilova
PAIRING: Jennifer Shepard/Ziva David
SUB-GENRE: Established Relationship. Episode Related. Angst
SUMMARY: Set during Judgment Day. Jenny really only has one regret in her life.
WORD COUNT: 500
SPOILERS: Stakeout, Dog Tags and Judgment Day.
WARNING: Major character death.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for leda_speaks - 'R' - Regret
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, nor am I making any money from them. I merely borrow them from time to time.
She lets him go outside to relieve himself rather than suggesting, as she should, that he find a corner and she would turn her back.
That would have been the sensible thing to do.
That would have been the logical thing to do.
That would have been the safe thing to do.
But it is long past time for being sensible, logical and safe. She knows that.
She came out to the diner for one reason and one reason only: to die. And to take as many of the bastards who are after Gibbs as she could with her. She's glad Mike went outside; she didn't want the responsibility of another death on her hands.
As she waits for the inevitable, as she waits for what she has deemed 'zero hour', she thinks back over her life.
She has few regrets; only one really. Not what she'd told Mike. That had been a calculated lie, told to keep attention away from the truth.
The only regret she has is that she never got to say a proper goodbye to her lover. That she never got to share one last kiss, one last embrace, one last caress. That she never got to say 'I love you', one last time. That she never got to tell her lover how important their love, their relationship was. That she never got to tell her lover how she'd hated her decision to keep their relationship a secret.
She knows how frantic her disappearance has made Ziva; she could hear it in Ziva's voice. She knows that voice so well; she has heard it speak words of love and lust to her; she has heard it cry out with passion as she, Jennifer Shepard Director of a Federal Agency, stroked and caressed her to orgasm.
She knows Ziva will blame herself, and there is nothing she can do to stop that. She knows Ziva will grieve for her; she hopes that someone, maybe Tony, maybe Jethro, but more likely Ducky, will hold her, will dry her tears. But she knows too that Ziva won't grieve where anyone else can see her; she will grieve only in the privacy of her apartment. The apartment Jenny spent so many happy hours in; the place she loved and knew love.
Ziva David a Mossad agent and Jennifer Shepard Director of NCIS. It should never have been, but it was.
As she waits, her gun in her hand, for her inevitable death she wonders what would have become of their relationship had she not been about to die. Had she not known she was already dying. Would they have lasted? She likes to think so. It gives her a moment of comfort to imagine growing old with Ziva.
No, she has few regrets in her life, but not saying goodbye to Ziva is one of them.
As zero hour arrives and passes, as she takes her last breath, her final thought, her final image, her final memory is of Ziva.