Nikki (nakeisha) wrote,

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I know that I have been worrying some of you with my lack of response to long outstanding emails etc. so I thought I'd try to explain why.

Over the last few weeks I have become more and more exhausted on a continuous basis. Now I'm always tired, being in constant pain tends to do that, but this is getting beyond that. At first I put it down to things like a bug, that time of the month, being in more pain than usual, delayed reaction to the stress of my parents move, etc. etc., and I am sure that all of those things do play a part. However, the exhaustion doesn't seem to be going away.

Tiredness, like the constant pain, I can cope and live with; it's just another one of those things that forms part of my normal life. And I know how to pretty much schedule my day and life to handle it, and generally, it tends not to really interfere with what I want to do - within reason of course.

However, this exhaustion is something else. It is interfering with what I do. It's taking me at least twice as long to do the things I normally do, which results in there being less time for things. I haven't even been able to write for the last few days and that is unheard of. On other occasions, even if I haven't felt up to emailing or chatting, I was able to write, but not at the moment. I go to bed tired, I wake up tired, and it's not as though I'm getting less sleep than usual, nor is it any more disturbed than it normally is. Pretty much everything in my life is 'normal' by my standards.

My pain level does seem to have increased a little over the last few weeks, but when I'm more tired than usual the pain does tend to increase as everything takes that bit more effort, which in turn makes me more tired which in turn... And so the circle goes on. And of course being in more pain and being more tired and not being able to do what I want to do makes me low and fed up, I hesitate to use the word 'depressed' as such, as it's not quite that bad,

I know that if it goes on for much longer I ought to go and see the doctor. I have a very mild thyroid problem, and it's possible that maybe the dosage of my tablets might need increasing. I do seem to recall that the last time I did feel this constantly exhausted was before my GP put me on the tablets. I am loath to go to see my doctor, partly because I don't want to bother them over something so relatively trivial, but also with the amount of time I have spent in hospital or visiting one doctor or another, I am weary of them. So I do tend to avoid going unless I absolutely have to.

That is why I haven't been answering emails or around as much as I normally am. I have such plans each day. Every morning I tell myself 'I will start to catch up on emails today', but then another day goes by and I haven't. I have spurts when I feel 'normal' again for an hour or so, but they don't last long enough for me to really do all that much.

Thus, my dear friends, I am again asking for your patience and understanding. I am alive and I promise that I will get sorted out one way or another. And I will empty my inbox just as soon as I can. I'm very sorry that I'm letting various friends down over certain things - or at least that's how it feels to me. I'm sure that you would say that I'm not. And that in itself is a comfort.

At the moment LJ seems the easiest way of keeping touch with the largest number of people. So I shall continue to be around here as much as I can be, even if it takes me longer to type a simple reply or comment. Hence, if you do 'see' me here, but I still haven't answered your emails, please don't feel offended.

If any of my LJ friends with whom I have mutual friends who aren't on LJ/never read LJ are aware that those mutual friends are wondering where I am, perhaps you'd be kind enough to let them know. Thank you.
Tags: nikki

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